Choosing how we relate to others
'My aim is not to teach the method that everyone ought to follow in order to conduct his reason well, but solely to reveal how I have tried to conduct my own.'
René Descartes 1596-1650,
French philosopher and founder of analytic geometry, in Discours de la méthode, 1637
It was the above quotation which encapsulated how I position my thoughts before speaking at a public engagement or indeed writing an item such as this. Whilst I have almost 30 years of experience, I’m still conscious of how much I’ve yet to learn. Choosing to follow the premise of ‘applied learning’, I seek to evolve myself, my behaviour and my results through applying learning gained as I experience life, work and indeed maturity both personally and professionally.
I continue to develop my personal ethics as I observe and experience the behaviours of others and their established practices, behaviours and standards which others adhere to. There are certain behaviours which I have always held dear and continue to demonstrate through example. These include:
- Being punctual
- Being organised
- Being willing to ask questions and seek clarification
- Communicating honestly and openly
- Being responsive
- Being consistent in setting expectations and managing them
There are so many variations in a person’s perceptions of ethical standards and behaviours. It strikes me that there are those for whom ethics and values are inherent to them as people, whilst others adapt their conscience to suit the circumstances! Ethics, values and behaviours are evolved through upbringing, personality and choices we make. Within the work environment we regularly hear of individuals being ‘labelled’ as those who:
- Get things done
- Talk, talk and talk
- Complain about others
- Cause conflict
- Are reliable
- Care passionately
- Are fully invested
As a project manager, it’s the responsibility of each of us to choose how we relate to another person’s ethics and values. We choose to be sufficiently humble that we restrain ourselves from considering ourselves ‘right’ and someone with alternative perceptions to be ‘wrong’; to suspend judgement and seek to understand.
Depending on your own personal code, you’ll choose to be open, reserved, communicative or secretive. There may be a contextual element that determines your choice of action: who is involved, the timing of the dialogue, the potential consequences… Ultimately we each have to choose our own behaviour and by doing so, we set the path of the likely consequences.
Sheilina Somani
I've over 25 (humbling) years as an international practicing project manager, consultant, speaker and coach/mentor. Currently, in addition to delivering multiple IT projects in the Property Industry, I'm also Deputy Chair of the APM Examinations Panel and hold a volunteer role contributing to the NHS. I'm a passionate and committed community builder/sustainer. My key areas of focus include: people, communications, diversity, ethics and values, conflict management and personal development.
Comments
Alastair,
you've added to my reading list! Thank you.
I like the comment immensely ... indeed apposite.
In the throes of a project launch this week and having to juggle expectations, deliverables and individual concerns/resistance.
My senior sponsor makes life much easier - he and I share common values around open, honest communication and therefore we talk frequently and concisely! He's quick to help action results and own his responsibilities ... ethics in action!!
Sukhbinder
I took most of my free time at the weekend to think about your post. It is a challenge as our world changes so rapidly to adapt and evolve.
I struggle with some of the changes in values - but recognise I come from a different time, speed of life and indeed the expectations placed upon me by my family, my work and myself continue to change.
Often values held dear are retained quietly, without publicity or demonstration. Others are more public and visible.
We all face the constant effort to integrate what we learn, what we believe we know, what we experience and what we choose to do next. Sometimes it's effortless and rewarding ... other times less so.
I have just started a new book (Gary Younge 'Who Are We – and should it matter in the 21st century?') and came across this passage in the introduction:
“It is the difficult decisions, the ones that have consequences, challenge orthodoxies, bear risk and threaten status, that take real courage”.
Whenever people make unexpected or surprising decisions I am fascinated by what may have contributed or influenced a particular choice of action or statement - and how different motivations might be involved.
Thanks for this thought-provoking piece Sheilina.
Hi Sheilina,
I absolutely agree with you that how we relate to others set the path of the likely consequences in every aspect of life, not just the project management.
Being a practicing Sikh, my personal ethics are based on my religious believes & values of life long learning, humbleness, honesty, hard working and helping those in need of help. Last month I was in Punjab, India, where majority of Sikh community is from and I was amazed to see that all these values are now left for just to be discussed on stages and preaching. In practice majority of people choose to behave very differently and hence the state and country is in such a poor ethical condition - no one trust anyone, corruption is wide spread and those want to challenge / change this course are put behind the bars (Anna Hazare).
As you said, the key is to suspend judgement and seek to understand ... but I honestly failed to understand where the country is heading despite all the progress and why people behave the way they do??
Just some food for thought….
Arthur/Jane, thank you for taking the time to read and comment.
Arthur I'll look forward to reading and commenting on your paper - thank you for providing the opportunity.
Jane - those 'fish' stories and videos are always timely reminders/memory joggers!
It's fascinating to listen to discussions regarding ethics and values on every journey through London - whether it's work related, economy and Euro zone crises, potential strikes, or indeed the festive season. Listening to Radio 4 earlier today there was discussion regarding life style choices and how 'fast food' choices are impacting mortality rates.
Even last week's remembrance services were the topic of much discussion/dialogue.
Hi Sheilina
You have reminded me of the 'Fish' video (from several years ago), about choosing our attitude. There are several versions online now - easy to find with a quick search - showing how to have fun whilst working in not the ideal environment.
Hi Shelina
Couldn't agree more! Ethics and values are an important part of managing projects, as are other 'soft' skills such as listening (as opposed to merely hearing), understanding (technical aspects as well as people skills).
My dissertation is focussing on how PM leadership styles affect project success; the link to it is http://edu.surveygizmo.com/s3/617299/Dissertation-survey
Responses are anonymous, but I would appreciate any input.