Three steps to unstress yourself

By the time stress and burnout took over my life, I couldn’t remember a time when I wasn’t stressed – when there wasn’t a deadline looming, a problem to solve or a decision that couldn’t wait.

Turns out, I’m in good company. APM research from both 2021 and 2025 found that three quarters of project managers reported being under significant stress. But how did we all get so stressed?

Stress is often disguised as drive, rewarded as resilience and praised as passion. And as I dived into research on stress and burnout, I realised I’d bought into the myth that had been sabotaging me all along: stress is the price we pay for success. But here’s the truth: stress isn’t the price you pay for success – it’s the thief that steals it.

The Un-Stressing Method

Chronic, unmanaged stress leads to burnout, so by learning to manage stress, we can prevent burnout from taking control of our lives. This is why I created The Un-Stressing Method. As a former C-suite executive and now a leadership consultant and trainer to organisations – including Fortune 100 companies – I’ve shared this method in boardrooms, training rooms and at conferences.

On a recent work trip, I shared it with a barista, a waiter, a flight attendant, a hotel receptionist and a rideshare driver. If someone says ‘stressed’ when I ask how they’re doing, I’ve been known to sketch the whole thing out on the spot. It takes less than 10 seconds. It’s simple, it’s practical and it works.

The power is in its simplicity – it’s a clear, doable way to stop spiralling and start feeling like yourself again. Here’s how it works.

Three simple steps

Step 1: See stress differently

You can’t manage what you can’t see. This step is all about identifying your stressors, clarifying what’s important and getting clear on what’s within your control. When you get your work stressors out of your head and heart and onto paper, you can start to see them differently.

So, grab a pen and some sticky notes and write down your stressors (one per sticky note). Then, for each stressor, ask yourself two questions. Is this important right now? Do I have control? Based on your answers, place each sticky note in the correct quadrant on the matrix.

Step 2: Sort stress into actionable categories

When you can name the kind of stress you’re experiencing, you can start taking meaningful action. There are five types of work stress:

Schedule (not enough time)
Suspense (uncertainty)
Social (tension)
Sudden (surprises)
System (power dynamics)

Write the number(s) of the type(s) of stress on each sticky note.

Step 3: Solve stress without spinning

Now that you’ve identified and sorted your stressors, you can make your next move: acknowledge the stressor and move on, accept it without fixing it, ask for help or act. How do you decide? It’s easy:

If it’s important but you have no control over it: ask for what you need.
If it’s important and you have control over it: act on the next right thing.
If it’s not important and you have no control: acknowledge it, then move on.
If it’s not important and you do have control: accept it without fixing it.

One last thing: now that you’ve gone through the three steps, don’t forget to celebrate the shift. Yes, stress is part of work and part of life. But staying stuck in it? Suffering through it? That part’s optional – and a lot more fixable than we’ve been led to believe.

Remember, every time you say no to the myth that stress is the price of success, you’re saying yes to yourself – and to success on your own terms. And that is worth celebrating.

Listen to the APM Podcast’s episode ‘Managing stress and avoiding burnout’ on Spotify, Apple Podcasts or YouTube