How to influence others as a project manager

“The only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.” Back in 1936, Dale Carnegie wrote this timeless nugget and many more in How to Win Friends and Influence People, a classic text that helped kick-start the self-help industry.

Close to 100 years later, influence is still a big deal. Take social media, where people are carving out unlikely careers by attempting to influence what people buy and which beaches they visit on holiday.

But influencing isn’t just for content creators. Project management is a people business. Every project involves rallying, convincing, cajoling and wrangling a variety of stakeholders, whether that’s members of the project team, local councils and landowners or the general public affected by the work. So, here’s how to make people bend to your will (or at least get their buy-in to your approach)…

1) Listen hard

As a project manager, you may think the onus is on you to be the active party all the time. Take a breath. “You have two ears and one mouth – use them in that proportion,” says Jo Owen, leadership author and social entrepreneur. “If in doubt, let people talk about their favourite subject: themselves.”

Echoing Carnegie, Owen says that “if you admire people’s trivial triumphs and travails”, you’ll soon learn what they want and need. Bingo – you can now figure out the common agenda.

“Once you have goals that are shared, not competing, you can start to work together,” he adds.

2) Walk the walk

If influence is about trust, then trust is about credibility. As Owen points out, while we judge ourselves by our intentions, others will judge us by our actions – which means you have to do what you say you will.

“It’s better to have a difficult conversation about expectations before the event than an impossible conversation about outcomes after the event,” he says.

You also need to show that you’ve earned your stripes. A team from the University of North Carolina asked 177 participants to read three people's opinions on divisive issues, such as taxation and gun control, and then rate their respect for each person, and that person's rationality. The participants gave notably higher ratings if they knew that the person had personal experience of the issues.

3) Treat people right

The most important decisions are likely to be made when you’re not in the room. So, you need powerful supporters and sponsors who will look after your interests and have your back. Research by Jeremy Frimer at the University of Winnipeg and Linda Skitka at the University of Illinois has shown that rude behaviour is far more likely to alienate someone you wish to influence than change their opinion.

Since even your assistant can help or hinder you in your quest for influence, you need to act consistently in a way that makes people warm to you.

4) Seize your moment

If people can see you’re the person who has the plan, says Owen, they’ll come to you.

“There are always moments of crisis, opportunity and uncertainty when no one is quite sure what to do,” he explains. “That’s the moment leaders step up and followers step back, waiting to see which way the wind blows. The easiest way to step up is to suggest an idea or solution. Suddenly, you’re in control.”

Be canny in what you ask for, too. Request things that people can do without too much effort, and without risking embarrassment and controversy, and they’ll be even more likely to follow you.

5) Meet people as equals

Being influential isn’t about barking commands all the time. Some people may not wish to be influenced and will respond better if they see it as a partnership. Don’t block or contradict their ideas, but build on them by saying ‘yes, and…’.

Note how the APM Body of Knowledge has evolved its terminology in its eighth edition, from talking about stakeholder management to stakeholder engagement.

“This is all about securing engagement from and between people, rather than engaging with them in the way Jack Sparrow or Sir Francis Drake might engage with the enemy,” says Gordon Mackay, Project Management Capability Lead at Sellafield. “An informed approach to influence means establishing mutual respect.”

Or, as Carnegie put it: “If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive.”