How to set (and stick to) work-related boundaries

It’s hard to resist making New Year’s resolutions. But even if you don’t, it’s the time of year where new beginnings often mean a natural focus on self-improvement or at least shifting things to make yourself a little happier, less stressed or more productive.

A new book, Mind Over Grind: How to break free when work hijacks your life, taps into this desire. Its psychologist author Guy Winch shows how to master your mind so work doesn’t master you. He argues that we can’t always change how much we work, but we can change how we think, recover and draw boundaries with it.

Boundaries can be difficult to create and police when you’re not always in control of the workload that project management throws at you. It’s easy for work to encroach on your home life, and any boundaries you put in to safeguard against overwork can melt away without you even realising.

“Over time, your loved ones will feel that you’re prioritising work over them, not just because you’re shirking your responsibilities at home, but because you seem so focused on work when you’re at home,” writes Winch.

Five steps to set boundaries the right way

Boundary-setting has four steps and one connecting principle that needs to be thought through ahead of time, argues Winch.

Establish clarity. State exactly what would constitute a violation. For example, “I need a break from the stress, so no work messages during my walks.”
Give an explanation. Tell people that you need time to recharge and recover.
Explain the consequences. Specify how you will respond if someone violates your boundaries. This step is one many people skip or do poorly, and it’s one you’ll need to tweak, because it’s hard to cover every eventuality ahead of time.
Maintain the boundary through enforcement. This step is the most important one and the one that most people have trouble executing well. Setting a boundary alerts the person to your needs, but that alone won’t get them to change their behaviour; maintaining the boundary will. And that means enforcing it every time it gets violated.
Give your boundaries with respect. A respectful demeanour is critical when setting boundaries. To understand why, consider what it’s like to be on the other side of the exchange.

“If setting boundaries sounds emotionally gruelling and mentally taxing – bingo. It is both. But the investment is worthwhile. The upfront costs in terms of energy and vigilance are substantial, but the violations will decrease sharply if you’re consistent in maintaining the boundary and applying the consequences you specified. Once you hold the line, the long-term rewards are substantial,” explains Winch.

What about your boss?

It’s one thing to set boundaries with friendly colleagues or those who report into you, but setting them with your boss can be far trickier. Winch advises considering whether they would be open to you pushing back at all.

“If you do proceed, the boundary should be framed as a request and not a demand. If your boss doesn’t push back when you set the boundary, great, but you will need to maintain the boundary with similar delicacy.”

One of the boundaries that gets violated most by employers and companies concerns our personal and leisure time, Winch points out. If you’re expected to be available after hours, he advises trying to stay detached and to respond when it’s best for you to do so.

“If someone asks you why it took you an hour to reply to their email, draw a boundary around having to offer an explanation at all. Whether you were dealing with a sick kid, getting a massage, attending a play or having an intimate moment with your partner isn’t something you need to share. Simply say, ‘Sorry, I was busy’.”

Ask for help when you need it

Effective boundary setting can make all the difference to how well you can deal with stressful project work.

“Whatever I do, the one thing that keeps me going is that stress is inevitable,” Veronica Sikombe, Project Manager at Mott MacDonald, told APM Podcast. “The key is managing that stress.”

To do that, Sikombe has established personal stress boundaries so she knows when to ask for support from her team to deliver a project.

“It’s about knowing my boundaries and knowing when to shout for help and not just keep that internal and try to thrive without support, because that is detrimental,” she says.

Mind Over Grind: How to break free when work hijacks your life will be published by Simon & Schuster in February 2026.

Listen to APM Podcast’s episode ‘Managing Stress and Avoiding Burnout’ on Spotify, Apple Podcasts or YouTube.